I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
