I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I died a long time ago.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize