At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
