don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
