The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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