I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
