I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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