Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
