so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize