we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
