I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Green mimosas i think yes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
