i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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