I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
