I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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