What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he thought i was a dude.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
