8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
