i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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