you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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