I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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