Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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