dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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