i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
