420 ftw
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
