My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The air was thick with penises
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
