I think I won the penis lottery.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize