my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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