yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
