Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
