She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
