You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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