I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
