Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize