my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
