Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize