I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
