if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize