her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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