Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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