i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
