Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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