I heard we made out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
