Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
