i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
