We're like a lot better than the average bears
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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