Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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