I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
