Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
