just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
