i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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