I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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