i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
as a side note pls kill me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize