dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
