what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
