I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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