Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize