Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
