Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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