U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
