k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
