"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
