The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
