Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize