This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
