Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
