And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
