Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
