if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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