I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
