I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
