Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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