No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
