omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
