PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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