when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
