My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
