The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
