Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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