Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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