Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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